Shallow Games

So we all know I have been out of the dating world for some time. It is another world to date at 27 and not at 21. I am not in school to meet people in classes. I am the boss at work so dating employees is frowned upon. So how do you meet people in a city where you know a handful of people? 

Yes you can go out and be that outgoing person who just strikes up a conversation with anyone you meet. I have been known to do this, however not everyone is as accepting. 

My single friends always used Tinder when I was around and I found it very intriguing. So the games began. I created my profile and started swiping left and right. I felt so judgmental but secretly I loved it. I thought the idea of this app was a very good idea....

Until I got some messages that were out of this world! Men absolutely kill me with what they think women want to hear to get them into bed. 

This one man told me that he wanted to read me a bedtime story. While another told me he was going to chain me to his bed and not let me go until I begged to be with him. (Like WHATTT) 

Absolutely Kills Me! 

I have met up with a couple people. One brought me a flower in a coffee shop. The other one looked nothing like his picture. I did meet up with one more whom I was talking to for while. We had GREAT conversation and it felt really natural to talk to him. We met up and had a great night together and that was that. Never heard from him again. 

My first taste of rejection after my last relationship. It hurt like hell but it also helped me realize that this is life now and I am about to go on a trial and error escapade until I find one that fits. 

I will keep swiping and I will share my messages with you as they come in because I don't know where they come up with some of these things. 

-T

Five Years

Five Years. Five years is more than it takes to complete high school, Five years is more than most students take to graduate college. Five years is a half of a decade. Five years may not seem that long to some people but to me it feels like a lifetime.

Five years ago I thought I would never feel so alive. I thought I was on top of the world with my friends and family by my side. I never thought that I would have landed where I am today five years go. Absolutely not. No Way. 

I was 22 years old, living the college dream. I had amazing friends, and amazing job and I had truly started to discover myself as an individual. 

I found myself in a weird place. I had just ended things with my ex about seven months prior, and it took me awhile to rediscover who I was. It took me awhile but once I did I started to notice a thousand different things. I was more genuine in my friendships, I worked harder in school, and for the first time I had men coming after me without even trying. Good men too. The kind that you are able to just have a great time with. I was living in the moment and I was the happiest I had ever been up until that point in my life.
Then the real journey began. I met him at show, he was dating a friend after that, ended said relationship with said friend. and then six months later has the balls to tell me that he had a crush on me ever since he met me. 

He was not my type and I wasn't looking for a relationship. 

He them told me that he just wanted to be friends ( yes, yes I know) and so we started hanging out. The first thing I noticed is that the flow of conversation between the two of us felt so real. So right. We would talk for hours upon hours about life, our past, family, and outer space. I was captivated by his honestly of who he was and where he wanted to go. 

We started talking after that pretty regularly. I was as giddy as a school girl. We made things official and our whirlwind of a romance began. We were enthralled with each other. we took our first trip to Colorado within the first month of us being together and then meeting the parents shortly after.
we had our ups and our downs. I wasn't able to trust him and things got messy but everyone has things to get over. We continued to grow closer and talk about our future. The love we shared was something so out of this world you could have lit a fire with our spark. 

I got a promotion and offered the chance to move out here to Denver. We moved in a month later and the struggle only grew, We worked all the time, had no days off together and ultimately started to grow apart.  Neither of us wanted to admit it for a long time but when we finally did things went out of control for me. I signed a new lease within 2 days. I was not able to move out right away due to the availability of the new diggs. I was living with my ex for 3 weeks in the most stressful and emotional environment. 

You see I still wanted to work on things to try to rekindle what we used to have, but he wanted nothing more. He started dating someone almost immediately and continued to do so while I was living under our roof taking care of our dogs.
I sincerly never thought that I could feel as low as that made me feel. After five years of birthdays, anniversaries, family gatherings, deaths, concerts, holidays, waking up just to pull each other closer, picking each others pimples, raising two dogs together and most importantly loving each other with our entire beings. 

I was left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart while he moved on with his new life with a new girl by his side.
Five Years. Five Years is a long time to come back from, and it is going to take time, but I am a fighter and I will come out even more alive. Please follow me on my journey of self healing and self empowerment. 

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